And just like that suddenly I feel like writing again. Not that I haven’t been writing in the past few (six!) months, I just haven’t been writing well, so I haven’t been writing publicly.
It’s been a confusing, exhilarating, sad, ecstatic, lovely, nerve-wracking, sexy, back to adolescence time of discovery. I was very busy living and feeling and I couldn’t put words to it. I have lots of notes though, confused, badly put together notes with abysmal grammar and worse spelling, so we can take a little trip back in time together and make sense of my summer, a little bit at a time.
Clearly, I’m seeing someone.
Someone who couldn’t possibly be more alike and yet dissimilar to the Ex, someone who has put me through hell and back, but not the serious hell that I went through with the husband back when he was that, the adolescent hell of rapid heartbeats, raging hormones, and melodramatic theatrics. The fun hell, the alive hell, the bat shit crazy hell.
Someone who couldn’t possibly be more different from my expectations of the person I should be with (with whom I should be? Certainly, more correct, but stilted don’t you think?).
We’re going to be calling him Shawty, let me introduce you. Shawty appeared in my life suddenly and unexpectedly at the end of April. When I met him, he didn’t register at all. He’s not my type. Well, evidently now he is, but he wasn’t back then. The guy I described in the last post was… “he gives a very strong “manly” vibe, he’s so tall, his voice is so deep, his hands are so big…”. Most of the men in my life were similar… very tall, light brown hair and eyes, deep voices, very kind and caring, workaholics with easy personalities…
Shawty is… not tall. He’s my height, possibly a smidge shorter, I’m about 5’6’’. He is soft-spoken, he has very dark hair and eyes and a beard. He’s got a bit of a belly, he works in the restaurant business and has no time for anything.
He’s eight years younger than me. He’s got a shitty personality. He’s not even a little bit accommodating, and he’s bossy, and if he decides something you could set fire to him and that wouldn’t change his mind.
He’s super smart, and he can talk about anything, and he’s super confident but not in an annoying way. He will go miles out of his way to help out a friend. He works, harder and better than most people I know, he’s meticulous and detail oriented. He’s also a bit of a nightmare where work isn’t concerned, because that’s where all his attention goes. But he’s getting better. He’s pathologically secretive and he has a really messed up relationship with is ex-girlfriend.
He makes my heart beat like crazy when I’m near him, he takes my breath away, he makes me nervous, he is an amazing lover, and he’s got a way about him that I can’t explain, but it makes me completely unreasonable. I have never lost my shit as often and as explosively with anyone else, but he can also calm me down with no more than two or three words.
He’s always in control of what happens, except lately where sometimes I am, and that makes him crazy, but also has brought him closer. He goes after what he wants. Like a freight train. That’s what he did with me.
I have no idea where this is going but no matter if, when, how it ends, it was exactly what I needed, not what I wanted, but the best things never are, are they? So you’ll be hearing a lot about Shawty. I suggest popcorn and a soda, cause a lot of it is like a bad soap opera, or a really, really good one.