It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

October 3rd. It’s my 37th birthday today. Normally I get very excited about my birthday, I love birthdays and celebrations in general. I’ve always believed that the older we get the more we should celebrate our birthdays because there are fewer and fewer of them ahead of us. Macabre, maybe, but true. We should take advantage of them, make them special, get excited, like when we were kids.

This year, however, I’m not feeling it. I don’t know why. I’m almost embarrassed to say that I feel like I’m going to be disappointed, in fact, I am disappointed, preemptively, which makes no sense at all. (What am I, twelve? ha, I could only wish!)

In any case, I’m done with all the mental masturbation (please forgive the vulgarity, but there’s no better word for what I’m doing right now… oh, I wonder what’s wrong with me, let me think back to my childhood and analyze every single significant moment in my life to see if there’s any connection with this current bout of mal de vivre…). No sir, I’m done.

I’m un-excited, I’m disappointed? Who gives a shit? Is what I’m telling myself this year. So I’m going to get excited about doing something nice for someone else.

I’m not sure what exactly, but I’ve got all day to figure it out. In fact, if you’ve got any suggestions I’m all ears!

(Isn’t that the most ridiculous expression ever? Who came up with that, Dumbo?)

4 thoughts on “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

  1. Well I hope your birthday has a pleasant surprise in store. You never know. My birthday always seems like a chore but maybe I need to get more into the spirit of it. Like you said, I only have so many more of them left…

  2. Oh, happy happy birthday, one day late! I hope good, truly wonderful things happened, whether big or small. So you’re a Libra!

    We have a dear family friend who says that your birthday holds magic, and you should wish for what you really want on it. My 37th birthday was terrible. I cried all day. I’ve had better ones since, but I find I don’t get all excited about my birthday, anymore.

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