Battle of the wills


I’m engaged in a battle of the wills with Shawty.

The relationship with Shawty took a turn for the weird and annoying early on. Although he enthusiastically pursued me in the beginning and still won’t let me go now, he is adamant about the fact that this is NOT a relationship. Despite the fact that he often acts like it is. The boy has issues. Anyway, our non-relationship has been going on for nigh on six months now and it’s characterized by the fact that everything is a battle and that he can be a gigantic asshole with a shitty character. I may have mentioned this before.

I’ve generally always given in with him at the end, seeing him when he wants, doing what he wants and only occasionally busting his chops. I did this for three reasons, he’s more hard-headed than I am, I was afraid of losing him, and I just couldn’t be bothered honestly.

But now, well, it would seem I’m slowly starting to regrow a back bone.

We haven’t seen each other in a while now, almost two weeks. He’s been gone for an event and ever since he returned, a few days ago, he’s been asking to see me, often and consistently, but always at random, inconvenient times that do not include dinner. I, on the other hand, want a date. An actual, planned, date, where I can organize a blow dry and possibly a wax and a pedicure, and decide on an outfit, send pictures of it to friends for opinions and then change my mind eighteen times.

I don’t always want to see him this way, sometimes I prefer to see him in the morning for a coffee and croissant, or in the evening for a quick drink and some hanky panky, but right now I want a goddamn date.

I get that he works in the restaurant business, and going to restaurants is something he does several times a week for work, but once every couple of weeks…. is not unreasonable of me.

Unfortunately, for both of us, he is stubborn as a mule and I’m extremely result oriented, if I want something I will move mountains, rivers, and oceans to get what I want.

So we’re at an impasse. We are very sweet to each other on the phone and via messages, we want to see each other, but neither one is letting go of his line. He keeps offering to see me… for coffee, for drinks, middle of the afternoon… and I’m busy, I’m free for lunch though, or dinner, I’ve got kids and work and grocery shopping…. Oh, gosh darnit I guess we can’t get together today then. This has been going on for a few days, no one is relenting, it doesn’t look like either one of us will. At this point I’m just curious to see who’s going to win, who’s going to give in, I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty positive it won’t be me. Yet, knowing him… it’s unlikely that it’ll be him. So the likelihood here, folks, is that we’ll still be here, a few weeks from now, dying to see each other, talking on the phone, texting every two minutes, but gradually starting to forget what the other looks like as we both slowly and steadily go crazy from longing. I’ve always said I was willing to lose the battle with him to win the war, but not this one, this battle I will win even if it kills me. Because honestly, I can compromise on a lot of things but you’ve at least got to feed me occasionally.

The irony here though, is that he’s digging his heels in not because he’s stingy or hates restaurants or doesn’t want to seem to datish but because he knows that this is what I want and he’d rather set fire to himself than do something that I’m demanding.

And through all this, battling of the wills and whatnot, I wonder if maybe in this case we won’t both lose in the end.

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